From Fear to TEDx: How Parentification Became My Life’s Work
Five years ago, I never imagined I’d be on a TEDx stage.
I was terrified of public speaking—truly. But there was one topic that pushed me beyond that fear. One issue that mattered more than my discomfort. One wound that needed naming: the mental health impact of parentification on Black women.
So I wrote about it. I taught about it. I built workshops around it. And eventually—I stood on that red TEDx circle and told the world our truth.
And that moment? It changed everything.
Why I Spoke Up About Parentification on the TEDx Stage
My name is Montina Myers-Galloway. I’m a licensed therapist based in Charlotte, North Carolina. I’ve spent the last six years researching, speaking, and providing therapy on a deeply overlooked experience: the emotional burden Black women carry when we’re groomed to be caretakers before we’re even grown.
My TEDx Talk, “Why Black Women Should Stop Being Responsible,” was more than a speaking engagement—it was a declaration. A long-overdue conversation in a world that often demands our labor but dismisses our pain.
The Story Behind the Stage
The truth is, I’ve always been a listener. In high school, I was the one people came to with their pain. I recently found an old yearbook, and nearly every message read in some way, “You helped me through so much.”
That’s how I knew I was walking in purpose. And when I began to look deeper, I realized—many of us were “helpers” before we had the language for it. Before we ever had the choice. This is what parentification looks like.
Let Me Introduce You to Michelle
Michelle is 12 years old. She cooks, cleans, helps her little brother with homework, and comforts her mother after fights with her father. No one checks on Michelle. No one asks how she’s doing. Fifteen years later, Michelle is 27, working double shifts, stuck in toxic relationships, and exhausted from constantly giving. She can’t recall childhood joy—because she was never given the space to just be a child.
Instead, she was handed a metaphorical duffel bag—and with every unmet need, every ignored emotion, another brick was added to it.
What’s in the Duffel Bag?
A brick for every time she wasn’t allowed to feel
A brick for every time she had to act like a parent
A brick for every sacrifice no one acknowledged
It gets heavy. And the emotional weight doesn’t disappear just because we grow up.
Black Girls Deserve to Be Protected, Too
Studies show adults often perceive Black girls as needing less nurturing, less comforting, and more independence than their peers. That bias—combined with economic stress, generational trauma, and family dysfunction—sets the stage for parentification to thrive.
And the long-term impact is real:
Anxiety and depression
Workaholism rooted in proving worth
Lack of identity and unresolved grief
Strained, codependent relationships
How You Know You Were Parentified
You were the emotional caretaker in your home
You had all the responsibilities, but no power
You were your parent’s confidant or pseudo-partner
You don’t remember joy in your childhood
You struggle to understand who you are outside of your roles
What I Told the World on That Stage
In my TEDx Talk, I shared this truth: It’s time. Time to stop being responsible for everyone else’s feelings. Time to stop holding what was never yours. Time to finally put the bag down.
Breaking the Cycle Starts Here
Here’s what I teach in The Responsible One, my free weekly newsletter—and what I live out in my practice every day:
✅ Have real experiences that center YOU—Not your family. Not your job. Just you.
✅ Accept that some people may never fully see you—And that doesn’t make you less worthy.
✅ Build relationships that don’t require self-sacrifice—You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you give.
This is Your Call to Action
You were never meant to carry all of this. Put the bag down, sis. Leave what’s not yours behind.
📩 Want weekly healing tools to help you unpack your emotional bag? Subscribe to The Responsible One.
